The Heckler Read online

  “So it isn’t a man trying to be funny, believe me,” Raskin said. “If it was that, do you think I’d have come up here? I got nothing better to do with my time, maybe?”

  “Then whatdo you think, Dave? That this man is really going to kill you if you don’t get out of the loft?”

  “Kill me? Who said that?” It seemed to Meyer in that moment that Dave Raskin turned a shade paler.

  “Killme?Me?”

  “Didn’t he say he was going to kill you?”

  “Well yes, but—”

  “And didn’t you just tell me you didn’t think this was a joke?”

  “Well yes, but—”

  “Then apparently you believe heis going to kill you unless you vacate the loft. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Isn’t that correct?”

  “No, that’s not correct!” Raskin said with some indignation. “By you, maybe, that is correct, but not by me. By me, it is not correct at all. Dave Raskin didn’t come up here he thinks somebody’s going to kill him.”

  “Then why did you come up, Dave?”

  “Because this heckler, this pest, this shmuck who’s calling me up two, three times a week, he’s scaring the girls who work for me. I got three Puerto Rican girls they do pressing for me in the Culver Avenue loft. So every time this bedbug calls, if I don’t happen to be there, he yells at the girls,‘Tell that son of a bitch Raskin I’m going to kill him unless he gets out of that loft!’ Crazy, huh? But he’s got the girls scared stiff, they can’t do any work!”

  “Well, what do you want me to do?” Meyer asked.

  “Find out who he is. Get him to stop calling me. He’s threatening me, can’t you see that?”

  “I see it, all right. But I don’t think there’s enough here to add up to extortion, and I can’t—This guy hasn’t made anyreal attempts on your life, has he?”

  “What are you gonna do?” Raskin asked. “Wait until he kills me? Is that what? And then you’ll make a nice funeral for me?”

  “But you said you didn’t think he was serious.”

  “To kill me, I don’t think so. Butsuppose, Meyer. Just suppose. Listen, there are crazy people all over, you know that, don’t you?”

  “Yes, certainly.”

  “So suppose this crazy nut comes after me with a shotgun or a butcher knife or something? I get to be one of those cases in the newspaper where I went to the police and they told me to go home and don’t worry.”

  “Dave—”

  “‘Dave, Dave!’ Don’t ‘Dave’ me. I remember you when you was in diapers. I come here and tell you a man said he’s going to kill me. Over and over again, he’s said it. So this is attempted murder, no?”

  “No, this is not attempted murder.”

  “And not extortion, either? Then what is it?”

  “Disorderly conduct,” Meyer said. “He’s used offensive, disorderly, threatening, abusive, or insulting language.” Meyer paused and thought for a moment. “Gee, I don’t know, maybe we have got extortion. Heis trying to get you out of that loft by threatening you.”

  “Sure. So go pick him up,” Raskin said.

  “Who?” Meyer asked.

  “The person who’s making the calls.”

  “Well, we don’t know who he is, do we?”

  “That’s simple,” Raskin said. “Just trace the next call.”

  “Impossible to do in this city,” Meyer said. “All our telephone equipment is automatic.”

  “So what do we do?”

  “I don’t know,” Meyer said. “Does he call at any specific time?”

  “So far, all the calls have come in the afternoon, late. Just about closing time, between four and five.”

  “Well, look,” Meyer said, “maybe I’ll stop by, this afternoon or tomorrow. To listen in on the calls, if any come. Where’s the loft?”

  “Twelve thirteen Culver Avenue,” Raskin said. “You can’t miss it. It’s right upstairs over the bank.”

  In the streets, the kids were yelling “April Fool!” as the punch line to their first-of-April jokes. And they chased each other into Grover Park the way kids will always chase each other, leaping the stone walls and cavorting along the path and ducking behind trees and bushes.

  “Watch out, Frankie! There’s a tiger on that rock!” and then they shouted “April Fool!”

  And then dashing off again to duck behind another rock or another tree, the punch line old and clichéed by this time, but delighting them nonetheless each time it was shouted.

  “Over your head, Johnny! An eagle!April Fool! ”

  Running over the close-cropped grass and then one of the boys ducking into the trees again, and his voice coming from somewhere in the woods, a voice tinged with shock and awe, reaching out for the path.

  “Frankie! There’s a dead guy in here!”

  And this time no one shouted “April Fool!”

  2.

  THE GENTLEMAN THEY FOUND in Grover Park had been dressed for the approaching summer. Or perhapsundressed for it, depending on how you chose to view the situation. No matter how you chose to view it, he was wearing only a pair of black shoes and a pair of white socks, and that’s about as close to being naked as you can come in the streets of any big city. Not that this gentleman was overly worried about arousing the ire of the law. This gentleman was dead.

  He had, in fact, if a summary glance at the wounds in his chest meant anything, been killed by a shotgun at fairly close range. He lay on his back under the trees and a small knot of experts in death surrounded the body and made faces indicative of disgust and empathy and boredom and indifference, but mostly of pain. Steve Carella was one of the policemen who looked down at the body of the naked man. Carella’s eyes were squinted almost shut even though there was no sunshine under the canopy of the trees. There was a sour look on Carella’s face, a look of disapproval and anger laced with discomfort. He looked at the man and he thoughtNobody should die in April, and he noted automatically the shotgun wounds on the man’s chest and, just as automatically, he noticed that there was a single large entrance wound and several zones of small satellite perforations produced by pellets which scattered from the main charge. The large entrance wound told him that the gun had been fired anywhere from one to three yards away from the victim. Up to a yard’s distance, the shotgun would have produced a wound with a lot of tattooing, burning, and blackening. And beyond three yards, the shot would have dispersed, and formed constellationlike patterns on the victim’s skin. Knowing this, and not knowing much more than this at the moment, Carella’s mind made the associations unconsciously and unemotionally while another part of him looked down at this person who had once been a man and who was now a ludicrously naked, loosely jointed pile of fleshy, angular rubbish—no longer a man; simply something soft and spongy, but not a man. Life had been robbed from this mass of flesh, and now there was nothing but death housed in the skin case. Carella wiped a hand across his mouth even though he was not sweating.

  It was cool in the copse of trees where the policemen worked. Flashbulbs popped around the dead man. A powdered chalk line was sprayed onto the ground, outlining the body. The laboratory technicians searched the bushes for footprints. The men stood about in uneasy clusters, discussing the world’s heavyweight champion fight, the pennant race, the nice weather they’d had this past week, anything but death which stared up at them from the ground. And then they finished their work, all the work they could do for the time being. They hoisted the corpse onto a stretcher and carried it to the path, and then out of the park and over to the curb where an ambulance was waiting. They slid the corpse into the back of the meat wagon, and took it to General Hospital where the autopsy would be performed. Carella thought for a moment about the stainless-steel autopsy table which was laced with troughs like a carving board’s troughs to catch the blood—the table slightly tilted—and channel it toward the basin at the far end, he thought of that goddam unemotionally sterile stainless-steel table, and he thought of scalpels and he tightened his fists in
anger and again he thoughtNobody should die in April, and he walked out to the police sedan parked at the curb and drove back to the precinct house. He could not find a parking space closer than two blocks away. He parked the car on Grover Avenue and walked back to the building facing the park.

  Somehow the mottled stone front of the ancient building seemed to blend with April. The gray assumed a softer tone when juxtaposed to the vibrant blue sky beyond it. The hanging green globes captured something of the blue, and the white numerals “87” on each globe picked up a touch of the clouds that hung fat and lazy in the early spring sky. The similarity ended the moment Carella climbed the low flat steps of the front stoop and passed into the muster room. High-ceilinged, bare except for the muster desk and Sergeant Dave Murchison who sat behind it, the room resembled nothing more than the cheerless, featureless face of an iceberg. Carella nodded to the sergeant and followed the pointing white wooden hand which told him—in case he didn’t know after all these years—where to find theDETECTIVE DIVISION . Where to find it was upstairs. He mounted the iron-runged steps, noticing for the first time what a clatter his shoes made against the metal, turned left into the upstairs corridor, passed the two benches flanking the hallway, and was passing the men’s lavatory when he almost collided with Miscolo who came out of the room zipping up his fly.

  “Hey, you’re just the man I want to see,” Miscolo said.

  “Uh-oh,” Carella answered.

  “Come on, come on, stop making faces. Come into the office a minute, will you?”

  The office he referred to was the Clerical Office, labeled with a hand-lettered sign in the corridor, a cubbyhole just outside the slatted, wooden railing which divided the corridor from the detective squadroom. Alf Miscolo was in charge of the Clerical Office, and he ran it with all the hard-fisted, clear-headed mercilessness of an Arabian stablekeeper. His horses, unfortunately, were usually a handful of patrolmen who had pulled twenty-fours, duty as records clerks. But if Miscolo had been given, let us say, a hundred men with whom to run his clerical office, all crime in that fair city would have been eliminated in the space of two days. In conjuction with the police laboratory downtown on High Street, and the Bureau of Criminal Identification, Miscolo’s dossier on criminals would have made it absolutely impossible to commit a crime without risking immediate capture and incarceration. Or so Miscolo fantasied.

  The Clerical Office, at the moment, was empty. Its green filing cabinets lined the right-hand wall of the room, facing the two desks opposite it. At the far end of the room, a single huge window, covered on the outside with wire mesh and the grime of a decade, was opened to the fragrance of April.

  “What a day, hah?” Miscolo said. He wagged his head in appreciation.

  “All right, what’s on your mind?” Carella said.

  “Two things.”

  “Shoot.”

  “First, May Reardon.”

  “What about her?”

  “Well, you know, Stevie, Mike Reardon worked here for a long time before he got killed. And I liked Mike. I mean, everybody did. You did, too.”

  “I did,” Carella admitted.

  “And he left May and two kids. That ain’t no picnic, Stevie. So she makes the precinct beds, but what the hell does that give her? Enough to feed two kids? Stevie, this is a tough pull. You got a wife, you got kids. God forbid, suppose something should happen to you, you want Teddy living on what precinct beds get her? Do you?”

  “No,” Carella said. “What do you want?”

  “I thought we could all chip in. The guys on the squad, and the patrolmen, too. Just a little something more each week to boost that bed money. What do you say, Stevie?”

  “Count me in.”

  “Will you talk to the other bulls?”

  “Now, listen—”

  “I’ll talk to the patrolmen. What do you say?”

  “I’m a lousy salesman, Miscolo.”

  “Aw, this ain’t like selling nothing, Stevie. This is giving that little girl a break. Did you ever see that little girl, Stevie? She’s so goddam Irish, you want to cry.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Irish girls make me want to cry.” He shrugged. He was not a handsome man. His nose was massive, and his eyebrows were bushy, and there was a thickness about his neck which created the impression of head sitting directly on shoulders. He was not a handsome man. And yet, in that moment, as he said what he had to say about Irish girls, as he shrugged boyishly afterwards, there was an enormous appeal to the man. He realized in an instant that Carella was staring at him, and he turned away in embarrassment and said, “What the hell do I know why? Maybe the first girl I laid was Irish—how do I know?”

  “Maybe,” Carella said.

  “So, will you talk to the other bulls or not?”

  “I’ll talk to them,” Carella said.

  “Okay. Jesus, to get something done around here, you got to go around pulling teeth.”

  “What was the second thing?”

  “Huh?”

  “The second thing. You said there were two—”

  “Yeah, that’s right, I did.” Miscolo frowned. “I can’t think of the other thing right now. It’ll come to me.”

  “That’s it, then?”

  “Yeah. You just come up from the street?”

  Carella nodded.

  “How’s it look out there?”

  “Same as always,” Carella said. He sat for just a moment longer and then waved at Miscolo and went out of the office into the corridor. He pushed through the gate in the railing, threw his Panama at the hat rack, missed, and was heading to pick it up when Bert Kling stooped for it.

  “Thanks,” Carella said. He began taking off his jacket as he walked to Meyer’s desk.

  “What was it?” Meyer asked.

  “Looks like a homicide,” Carella answered.

  “Man or woman?”

  “Man.”

  “Who?”

  “No identification,” Carella said. “He got shot at close range with a shotgun, that’s my guess. All he was wearing was shoes and socks.” Carella shrugged. “I better make out a report. I didn’t see anybody from Homicide there, Meyer. Suppose they’ve given up on us?”

  “Who knows? They only like to make noise, anyway. They know the stiff officially belongs to whichever precinct is lucky enough to find it.”

  “Well, this one belongs to us,” Carella said, wheeling over a typing cart.

  “They doing an autopsy?” Meyer asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “When do you suppose we’ll have the report?”

  “I don’t know. What’s today?”

  Meyer shrugged. “Bert! What’s today?”

  “April first,” Kling said. “Steve, some dame phoned about—”

  “Yeah, but whatday ?” Meyer asked.

  “Wednesday,” Kling said. “Steve, this dame called about an hour ago, something about a dry-cleaning store and a counterfeit bill. You know anything about it?”

  “Yeah, I’ll call her back later,” Carella said.

  “So when do you think we’ll have the report?” Meyer asked again.

  “Tomorrow, I suppose. Unless the M.E.’s office got an unusually large number of stiffs today.”

  Andy Parker, who was sitting by the water cooler with his feet up on the desk, threw down a movie magazine and said, “You know who I’d like to get in the hay?”

  “Anybody,” Carella answered, and he began typing up his report.

  “Wise guy,” Parker said. “I been looking over these movie stars, and there is only one girl in this whole magazine who’d be worth my time.” He turned to Kling who was reading a paper-backed book. “You know who, Bert?”

  “Quiet, I’m trying to read,” Kling said.

  “I wish some of you guys would try towork,” Meyer said, “This goddam squadroom is beginning to resemble a country club.”

  “Iam working,” Kling said.

  “Yeah, I can see that.”

&nbs
p; “These are stories about the deductive method.”

  “The what?”

  “Of detection. Haven’t you ever heard of Sherlock Holmes?”

  “Everybody’s heard of Sherlock Holmes,” Parker said. “You want to know which of these broads—”

  “I’m reading a very good story,” Kling said. “You ever read it, Meyer?”

  “What’s it called?”

  “‘The Red-headed League,’” Kling said.

  “No,” Meyer answered. “I don’t read mysteries. They only make me feel stupid.”

  THE AUTOPSY REPORTdid not arrive at the squadroom until Friday afternoon, April 3. And, as if by black magic, a call from the assistant medical examiner came at the exact moment the Manila envelope bearing the report was placed on Carella’s desk.

  “Eighty-seventh Squad, Carella,” he said.

  “Steve, Paul Blaney.”

  “Hello, Paul,” Carella said.

  “Did that necropsy report get there yet?”

  “I’m not sure. A man with hospital pallor just dumped an envelope on my desk. It may be it. Want to hang on a second?”

  “Sure,” Blaney said.

  Carella opened the envelope and pulled out the report. “Yeah, this is it,” he said into the phone.

  “Good. I’m calling to apologize. We just had a full house, Steve, and first things came first. Yours was the shotgun murder, wasn’t it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I hate shotgun wounds,” Blaney said. “Shotgun wounds really look like gun wounds, have you ever noticed that? Especially when they’re fired at close range.”

  “Well, a forty-five doesn’t leave a very pretty hole, either,” Carella said.

  “Or a thirty-eight, for that matter. But there’s something more lethal about a shotgun, I don’t know. Did you see the size of the hole in your customer?”

  “I did,” Carella said.

  “It’s worse in contact wounds, of course. Jesus, I’ve seen cases where guys have stuck the barrel of a shotgun into their mouths and then pulled the trigger. Man, that is not nice to look at. Believe me.”

  “I believe you.”